The why question can be that childhood innocence of wanting to understand. "Daddy, why do stars shine at night?" And not being satisfied with the first answer they follow up with the why question after every response we give until we feel like we have run out of answers!
It can also be a personal and probing question as to our motives and actions. "Why did you just say that?" or "Why did you just do that?" If you are like me I can handle the first round of why questions pretty well, it's the follow up "whys" that can unnerve me. When I am forced to look more closely at my actions and motives I seem to feel more threatened and get defensive.
Who has the right to question my motives and actions? In a marriage that is endeavoring to center on the glory of Christ it should naturally be the right of our husband or wife to ask the why questions. Yet too often we get annoyed and even caustic in our responses. The "nagging wife" or the "controlling husband" becomes a label we put on our spouses to make them stop the questioning. That partner in life is also your brother or sister in Christ and therefore a necessary instrument in your own personal sanctification.
This questioning on a human level should be a picture of what should be taking place on a spiritual level with the Lord himself. Who has the right to ask you ANY question and expect a true answer? The Lord himself who knows our hearts better than anyone. One of the many roles of the Holy Spirit is to ask us the why questions. He has the right to "get on our nerves" and to protect us from ourselves.
The Spirit's primary role in the believer's life is to make us look and act more like Jesus. Which is perhaps the greatest need in our marriages today, to see Jesus.
A true follower of Christ has that mindset of wanting God to ask the why questions, "Search me, O God, and know my heart..." Psalm 139:23.
The probing question is "Why?" Why aren't our Christian marriages more Christ-like? Why don't we believe the gospel? Why are we not more free to love and live in the power of Christ? Why don't we care enough to fight sin more personally? Why do we respond more out of guilt than of grace? Why don't we like people asking so many questions? Why? Why? Why?!!!!
I better stop here because I think I'm getting on my own nerves! It's time to go and practice what I preach!!
WHY NOT?!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
And Then the Children Came
Children bring a whole new dimension and challenge to our marriages. They truly are a blessing from God but they are also his ordained instruments of sanctification as well!
"We were just getting used to each other and growing together...then the children came!"
It really does test the fiber of our marriage and brings about a further refinement of our commitment to the Lord and each other. The basis of our marriage can not be our mutual love and harmony but the sovereign love and mercy of God in Christ. That is not a mere platitude but an exciting foundation on which to build in every season of life. Our love and nurture of them is a direct reflection of our relationship with Jesus in how we teach them to be disciples of Christ.
I recently observed a couple dealing with a boy about 7 years old. He seemed to have a form of autism and was having difficulty controlling himself. His groans were loud and his mind restless. I was struck with how patient and sensitive the parents were with their child. The strain must be heavy on their marriage but there was also a clear mutual commitment that went beyond their personal happiness. They loved their son and were committed to him.
God loves his children.
He is not in the business of primarily making us good parents but rather true children of him and co-heirs with his son. "See what love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." I John 3:1 If we understand our primary identity in Jesus it becomes the filter through which we deal with all of life - including parenthood.
Our marriages are one of the richest contexts to grow in our sanctification and when God blesses us with children it becomes that much richer. In the Lord's sovereign wisdom he brings those little ones into our lives to do big things.
If you are married with children or anticipate having that blessing may our Lord continue that work he has begun in your heart and marriage as you share this journey together for your growth and his glory!
"We were just getting used to each other and growing together...then the children came!"
It really does test the fiber of our marriage and brings about a further refinement of our commitment to the Lord and each other. The basis of our marriage can not be our mutual love and harmony but the sovereign love and mercy of God in Christ. That is not a mere platitude but an exciting foundation on which to build in every season of life. Our love and nurture of them is a direct reflection of our relationship with Jesus in how we teach them to be disciples of Christ.
I recently observed a couple dealing with a boy about 7 years old. He seemed to have a form of autism and was having difficulty controlling himself. His groans were loud and his mind restless. I was struck with how patient and sensitive the parents were with their child. The strain must be heavy on their marriage but there was also a clear mutual commitment that went beyond their personal happiness. They loved their son and were committed to him.
God loves his children.
He is not in the business of primarily making us good parents but rather true children of him and co-heirs with his son. "See what love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." I John 3:1 If we understand our primary identity in Jesus it becomes the filter through which we deal with all of life - including parenthood.
Our marriages are one of the richest contexts to grow in our sanctification and when God blesses us with children it becomes that much richer. In the Lord's sovereign wisdom he brings those little ones into our lives to do big things.
If you are married with children or anticipate having that blessing may our Lord continue that work he has begun in your heart and marriage as you share this journey together for your growth and his glory!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Resurrection Truth
"For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." I Corinthians 2:2
We have a lot of differences as Christians, even in our marriages. We also have some powerful things in common. Jesus died. Jesus forgave. Jesus rose from the dead.
When the world and my life seem out of control and the voices are drowning out the peace what is my focus? When I feel like I'm misunderstood or frustrated in my marriage where do I go? It's during those times that our differences become even more apparent. We feel like we are fighting our own private war without our partner.
The Apostle Paul didn't often have the luxury of time to work through issues and relationships. There were a lot of things pressing in on him personally and circumstantially. What he needed most was not a quick resolution but a quick reminder. "Jesus Christ and him crucified." That's what he had in common with other believers and that's all he needed to know. Life was too short to get so distracted with other important things that he would loose sight of what he needed most. A savior.
What's needed most in our marriages today? I would suggest it's not primarily a resolution but a reminder. As professing Christians who are married we have the most powerful hope in all the world. Jesus died and rose again for me. Because of that Paul could be so bold as to say, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
What's that got to do with your marriage? Everything! What your spouse needs more than you is to be reminded of Jesus. Almost to the exclusion of everything else. If the passion of our hearts is to know nothing more important then the crucified Christ it will show in how we live, love and honor one another.
Go live in that resurrected power and may the world see a hope - a love that is unlike any other.
We have a lot of differences as Christians, even in our marriages. We also have some powerful things in common. Jesus died. Jesus forgave. Jesus rose from the dead.
When the world and my life seem out of control and the voices are drowning out the peace what is my focus? When I feel like I'm misunderstood or frustrated in my marriage where do I go? It's during those times that our differences become even more apparent. We feel like we are fighting our own private war without our partner.
The Apostle Paul didn't often have the luxury of time to work through issues and relationships. There were a lot of things pressing in on him personally and circumstantially. What he needed most was not a quick resolution but a quick reminder. "Jesus Christ and him crucified." That's what he had in common with other believers and that's all he needed to know. Life was too short to get so distracted with other important things that he would loose sight of what he needed most. A savior.
What's needed most in our marriages today? I would suggest it's not primarily a resolution but a reminder. As professing Christians who are married we have the most powerful hope in all the world. Jesus died and rose again for me. Because of that Paul could be so bold as to say, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
What's that got to do with your marriage? Everything! What your spouse needs more than you is to be reminded of Jesus. Almost to the exclusion of everything else. If the passion of our hearts is to know nothing more important then the crucified Christ it will show in how we live, love and honor one another.
Go live in that resurrected power and may the world see a hope - a love that is unlike any other.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Words Have Meaning
There are a lot of words being thrown around in the market place today. Every word, no matter how seemingly insignificant, has meaning.
Two words: Healthcare Bill.
The issues are real and the concerns valid but listen to the words. We dare not gloss over our disagreements and learn to communicate those challenges. The language we use is the primary means by which we make those issues known.
But words have meaning.
I've been struck again by the place of words in marriage. Communication. How we say something is just as important as what we say. It requires forethought and self-examination. In a world that seems wholly given over to impulsive and impassioned verbal expression it's become harder and harder to listen. Also harder to learn.
If I saw a more direct and spiritual connection between my mouth and my heart, would that make any difference in my marriage? Jesus made that line clear when he declared, "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." (Matthew 12:34) Jesus chose his words carefully because each one had meaning. The way I use words with my wife conveys something about the message I'm trying to get across. The words in my home and marriage have to be seasoned with the grace and presence of Jesus. There are no idle words. No words without meaning.
That doesn't mean I am to be paranoid and frozen with fear about opening my mouth. Language was and is God's idea. It's a primary way to share ideas and emotions. As believers in Christ we should reflect to others the kind of communion we have with God. I think I could have an even better line of communication with my wife if I was more consistent with the Lord. Words of comfort and conviction that come from my lips to my spouse would be more second nature as a result of the Spirit of God dealing with my own heart.
This is not another call to "bite your tongue" and live a life of regret. Rather it's a call to use this precious gift of language to the glory of God. Think of how powerful our words could be if they were increasingly brought through the filter of the love of Christ. Not out of guilt but gratitude we would use our words wisely, "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:20
Two words: Healthcare Bill.
The issues are real and the concerns valid but listen to the words. We dare not gloss over our disagreements and learn to communicate those challenges. The language we use is the primary means by which we make those issues known.
But words have meaning.
I've been struck again by the place of words in marriage. Communication. How we say something is just as important as what we say. It requires forethought and self-examination. In a world that seems wholly given over to impulsive and impassioned verbal expression it's become harder and harder to listen. Also harder to learn.
If I saw a more direct and spiritual connection between my mouth and my heart, would that make any difference in my marriage? Jesus made that line clear when he declared, "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." (Matthew 12:34) Jesus chose his words carefully because each one had meaning. The way I use words with my wife conveys something about the message I'm trying to get across. The words in my home and marriage have to be seasoned with the grace and presence of Jesus. There are no idle words. No words without meaning.
That doesn't mean I am to be paranoid and frozen with fear about opening my mouth. Language was and is God's idea. It's a primary way to share ideas and emotions. As believers in Christ we should reflect to others the kind of communion we have with God. I think I could have an even better line of communication with my wife if I was more consistent with the Lord. Words of comfort and conviction that come from my lips to my spouse would be more second nature as a result of the Spirit of God dealing with my own heart.
This is not another call to "bite your tongue" and live a life of regret. Rather it's a call to use this precious gift of language to the glory of God. Think of how powerful our words could be if they were increasingly brought through the filter of the love of Christ. Not out of guilt but gratitude we would use our words wisely, "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:20
Thursday, March 18, 2010
To Love, Honor, and Cherish
The focus necessarily has to be on my husband or wife.
When we start out reciting those vows at the ceremony they are THE filter for which we are to view our relationship for the rest of our earthly life. I have promised to love, honor, and cherish my wife for the rest of my life. I declared before God and others that I would make her the focus of my affection. I would lift her up privately and publicly. I would hold her close to my heart as a precious gift that I would never want to loose.
These are not merely romantic ideas but exciting and critical commitments.
They seem easy to keep early on and even natural for awhile but what happens when "things change." It's amazing how quickly we seem to put a condition on that promise that at first was unconditional. The relationship got harder. My needs weren't being met. I felt like I was doing more "loving, honoring and cherishing" than my spouse.
It's easier to start out than to continue.
Isn't that similar to our Christian walk? We start out very excited about our commitment to Christ and His love to us. We have an "unconditional" commitment to him and his will in our lives. Then "things change." If we are honest we feel like the relationship with Christ has not turned out to be all we thought it would be. Yet the call is to love, honor and cherish him.
"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."I Corinthians 13:7
I can do this only because of the unconditional love of Jesus. My love for my spouse must flow first from his love for me and not for what I am getting from my partner. As a Christian couple our love has to look different from the world. Our love is not based on ourselves but on God's love. Therefore, in Jesus I not only can keep my commitment but I can actually grow in that love. A love that looks more and more like Christ and his church.
May the world see Jesus today in your marriage by how you "love, honor, and cherish" one another.
When we start out reciting those vows at the ceremony they are THE filter for which we are to view our relationship for the rest of our earthly life. I have promised to love, honor, and cherish my wife for the rest of my life. I declared before God and others that I would make her the focus of my affection. I would lift her up privately and publicly. I would hold her close to my heart as a precious gift that I would never want to loose.
These are not merely romantic ideas but exciting and critical commitments.
They seem easy to keep early on and even natural for awhile but what happens when "things change." It's amazing how quickly we seem to put a condition on that promise that at first was unconditional. The relationship got harder. My needs weren't being met. I felt like I was doing more "loving, honoring and cherishing" than my spouse.
It's easier to start out than to continue.
Isn't that similar to our Christian walk? We start out very excited about our commitment to Christ and His love to us. We have an "unconditional" commitment to him and his will in our lives. Then "things change." If we are honest we feel like the relationship with Christ has not turned out to be all we thought it would be. Yet the call is to love, honor and cherish him.
"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."I Corinthians 13:7
I can do this only because of the unconditional love of Jesus. My love for my spouse must flow first from his love for me and not for what I am getting from my partner. As a Christian couple our love has to look different from the world. Our love is not based on ourselves but on God's love. Therefore, in Jesus I not only can keep my commitment but I can actually grow in that love. A love that looks more and more like Christ and his church.
May the world see Jesus today in your marriage by how you "love, honor, and cherish" one another.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Thank You
I don't say that enough.
In a culture where we take so many things for granted we almost assume we are entitled to what we have. Little things like food or health, friendships and jobs. We are truly a blessed people and therefore, potentially an ungrateful people.
Which is worse, an insincere thank you or lack of thankfulness?
The famous theologian, John Calvin, wrote in the sixteenth century that the greatest problem he perceived among Christians was a lack of gratitude. Believers were taking for granted their salvation. They were too often living their lives without a conscious awareness of what Christ had done for them on the cross. They were presuming on the blessings that flowed from his sacrifice.
Not so much as a daily "Thank You". Why do we do that? The things that are right in front of us become all too oblivious.
Like our marriage.
My spouse is a gift from God primarily for my sanctification not my happiness. He or she is the chosen instrument God brought into existence and shaped to be used of him to bring out Christ in my life. No husband or wife can fully meet your needs. There is only one Messiah. He alone can give you what no one else can. Forgiveness. A forgiven soul is a free soul. A chosen one who is able to love freely and point others to Christ.
"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you...because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now." Philippians 1:3-5
Your spouse is primarily a partner in the gospel. Give thanks to God you are traveling together in this broken world with the effects of sin in and outside your home. Be thankful too that Christ is sufficient for all your needs. We too quickly and easily forget.
Stop even now and give thanks. "Thank you Lord" for ......... and may that gratitude be an increasing part of your daily life.
In a culture where we take so many things for granted we almost assume we are entitled to what we have. Little things like food or health, friendships and jobs. We are truly a blessed people and therefore, potentially an ungrateful people.
Which is worse, an insincere thank you or lack of thankfulness?
The famous theologian, John Calvin, wrote in the sixteenth century that the greatest problem he perceived among Christians was a lack of gratitude. Believers were taking for granted their salvation. They were too often living their lives without a conscious awareness of what Christ had done for them on the cross. They were presuming on the blessings that flowed from his sacrifice.
Not so much as a daily "Thank You". Why do we do that? The things that are right in front of us become all too oblivious.
Like our marriage.
My spouse is a gift from God primarily for my sanctification not my happiness. He or she is the chosen instrument God brought into existence and shaped to be used of him to bring out Christ in my life. No husband or wife can fully meet your needs. There is only one Messiah. He alone can give you what no one else can. Forgiveness. A forgiven soul is a free soul. A chosen one who is able to love freely and point others to Christ.
"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you...because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now." Philippians 1:3-5
Your spouse is primarily a partner in the gospel. Give thanks to God you are traveling together in this broken world with the effects of sin in and outside your home. Be thankful too that Christ is sufficient for all your needs. We too quickly and easily forget.
Stop even now and give thanks. "Thank you Lord" for ......... and may that gratitude be an increasing part of your daily life.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Time Out
"Time Out" is one of those phrases that applies to many situations. I remember as a kid using it to tell my buddies that I needed a break if we were playing a game. Later it was a welcomed announcement when a coach or referee declared a break in the action to gather ourselves or just catch our breath!
Or how about in child rearing when that little one needed to be forced to stop what they were doing and you told them they needed a "Time Out." It was a loving discipline to help your child calm down and practice self-control. You wanted them to think about what was going on. They were being controlled by life and their desires which lead to selfish outbursts.
Have you ever applied that to your marriage? "We need a Time Out!" How do you catch your breath? It doesn't have to be in the midst of an intense discussion or argument but you just might need a break from the daily demands of life.
And that doesn't always mean a break from each other!
A "Time Out" could be as simple as a ten minute coffee break or a date night. Just an opportunity to be together for the purpose of your relationship and not primarily to solve another problem. As husbands and wives we each have our own unique daily challenges but at the same time we are to be in life together. We might not have the luxury of a weekend away or a daily hour-long debriefing session but we do have the obligation to stay in touch.
As professing Christians we have the same dynamic in our relationship with Christ. The scriptures call us to have a consistent need for a "Time Out" with the Lord. We see that in the life of our Savior and all throughout the Bible.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
We're all busy but the Lord is always available. To take a ten minute coffee break with Him could literally change our outlook on the day or our own life. Our spouse needs to know intuitively that we are in the habit of taking Time Out with Jesus.
May God give you "Time Out" with Him today and with each other.
Or how about in child rearing when that little one needed to be forced to stop what they were doing and you told them they needed a "Time Out." It was a loving discipline to help your child calm down and practice self-control. You wanted them to think about what was going on. They were being controlled by life and their desires which lead to selfish outbursts.
Have you ever applied that to your marriage? "We need a Time Out!" How do you catch your breath? It doesn't have to be in the midst of an intense discussion or argument but you just might need a break from the daily demands of life.
And that doesn't always mean a break from each other!
A "Time Out" could be as simple as a ten minute coffee break or a date night. Just an opportunity to be together for the purpose of your relationship and not primarily to solve another problem. As husbands and wives we each have our own unique daily challenges but at the same time we are to be in life together. We might not have the luxury of a weekend away or a daily hour-long debriefing session but we do have the obligation to stay in touch.
As professing Christians we have the same dynamic in our relationship with Christ. The scriptures call us to have a consistent need for a "Time Out" with the Lord. We see that in the life of our Savior and all throughout the Bible.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
We're all busy but the Lord is always available. To take a ten minute coffee break with Him could literally change our outlook on the day or our own life. Our spouse needs to know intuitively that we are in the habit of taking Time Out with Jesus.
May God give you "Time Out" with Him today and with each other.
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