In God's sovereign wisdom he puts us together in marriage to grow in the likeness of Jesus. That work comes at a cost. First and foremost the cost of His lifeblood to give us forgiveness and intimacy with the Father. Another cost is the daily sanctification of the gospel in our own lives. We have to be daily sharpened and molded which often brings pain.
Perhaps one of the most intimate and thus painful contexts for that sanctification is in our marriages. Listen again to a secular marriage counselor's observation as to the reason for this difficulty. "...we have deep and inbred capacities to change and grow, and that taking shared, creative risks with someone loved and trusted enhances these capacities. But let's not fool ourselves - marriage is hard. And if there is one single factor that makes our marriages hard, it is that they become crucibles for our own individual pain."The Marriage Benefit, Mark O'Connell
Biblicaly speaking that crucible is the place where eternal issues arise. We want to know Christ and to make Him known. That means we want to see as He sees, listen as He listens, love has He loves. What's going on in your marriage right now? Where does Jesus fit in? Not as a medicinal tablet to ease some pain but to grow you more into His likeness.
Le't not run from the struggle but belive that God has brought our spouses into our lives to bring out Jesus more clearly and fully. "Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:1,2. It's really not about us but aobut Him and the call is to bring out the fragrance of Christ in our relationships, and especially in our marriages which are to be pictures of the gospel we declare to be our first love.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Conformity
One of the most difficult things in life is to admit our blindness. The lens of life is always tainted with sin. We all have blind spots that frustrate rather than free us to live as God's children.
The unspoken values of our culture control us more than we would like to admit. You don't have to be an insightful Christian to be able to see it's effects. The author I mentioned before who deals with marriages in our culture states it this way, "We live in a culture that promises us Teflon-smooth lives lived with a minimum of hardship and a maximum of gratification. We are, it follows, quick to substitute grievance and blame for acceptance when times get tough."
Our spouses quickly become the focus of our life's disappointments. If my life is not working out the way I planned than surely the problem is outside of myself. Something or someone is hindering what I desire and deserve.
Where does the gospel of Jesus fit into this? I would suggest the first place is within our own hearts not our marriage or circumstances. Am I willing to first determine the blind spots in my own vision that might even be hindering the very work of the gospel?
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2
The unspoken values of our culture control us more than we would like to admit. You don't have to be an insightful Christian to be able to see it's effects. The author I mentioned before who deals with marriages in our culture states it this way, "We live in a culture that promises us Teflon-smooth lives lived with a minimum of hardship and a maximum of gratification. We are, it follows, quick to substitute grievance and blame for acceptance when times get tough."
Our spouses quickly become the focus of our life's disappointments. If my life is not working out the way I planned than surely the problem is outside of myself. Something or someone is hindering what I desire and deserve.
Where does the gospel of Jesus fit into this? I would suggest the first place is within our own hearts not our marriage or circumstances. Am I willing to first determine the blind spots in my own vision that might even be hindering the very work of the gospel?
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Marriage is Hard Work
Why does the secular world seem to understand better than the religious arena sometimes? I recently came across a book I picked up in the airport written by a secular psychologist. The title could be found in a Christian bookstore, The Marriage Benefit: The surprising rewards of staying together.
Here is a major premise of his work, "...in this age of fast and easy gratification giving things time is becoming a lost art."
I found myself convicted throughout the book as to how I have been shaped more by my culture and my own desires than than by the call of Christ. Just that one thought alone, "giving things time" is a haunting reminder to me of what is too often lacking. I hear more about why people want to give up on marriage than on how to make it work. Could it be because it's just too hard to truly grow in that relationship?
In a culture where we are obsessed with youth and euphoria we need a clear reminder to endure or "give things time." There is a direct parallel again between marriage and the Christian life. Jesus calls us to bear patiently or to give things time rather than assume His promises will not hold true. I fear that's also becoming a lost art in our Christian lives.
Here is a major premise of his work, "...in this age of fast and easy gratification giving things time is becoming a lost art."
I found myself convicted throughout the book as to how I have been shaped more by my culture and my own desires than than by the call of Christ. Just that one thought alone, "giving things time" is a haunting reminder to me of what is too often lacking. I hear more about why people want to give up on marriage than on how to make it work. Could it be because it's just too hard to truly grow in that relationship?
In a culture where we are obsessed with youth and euphoria we need a clear reminder to endure or "give things time." There is a direct parallel again between marriage and the Christian life. Jesus calls us to bear patiently or to give things time rather than assume His promises will not hold true. I fear that's also becoming a lost art in our Christian lives.
I'll be quoting often from this book in the future but for now remember this more important quote, "...let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith..."Heb.12:1,2
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Memories
A new year is about to come while we say goodbye to another. What was this past year for you? What memories will you carry over to the new year? Some things we'd like to forget but other memories we don't ever want to loose. Like a loved one we lost or a blessing we gained.
Mark those memories and use them for God's glory.
We moved from Philadelphia to North Carolina. Our hearts and minds are filled with rich memories of our years "back home." Nothing can take them away but we miss the people and shared experiences of life. Though the move was hard it was also a reminder to us of God's faithfulness to us in every season of life.
We are making new memories with Jesus who is the same, "yesterday, today and forever." Marriage is learning to lean on each other and at the same time reminding each other that the Lord is who holds us together.
Change is often difficult and can bring unique strains on any marriage but the focus must be on that which never changes. What made our years good in Philadelphia was not just the people and the familiar surroundings but the fact that the Lord was with us and blessing us. Seeing God work in His church and through His people will be eternal memories for us.
That season of life will hold a special place in our "memory album" but we look forward to the new memories He will bring in this new season.
Happy New Year!
Mark those memories and use them for God's glory.
We moved from Philadelphia to North Carolina. Our hearts and minds are filled with rich memories of our years "back home." Nothing can take them away but we miss the people and shared experiences of life. Though the move was hard it was also a reminder to us of God's faithfulness to us in every season of life.
We are making new memories with Jesus who is the same, "yesterday, today and forever." Marriage is learning to lean on each other and at the same time reminding each other that the Lord is who holds us together.
Change is often difficult and can bring unique strains on any marriage but the focus must be on that which never changes. What made our years good in Philadelphia was not just the people and the familiar surroundings but the fact that the Lord was with us and blessing us. Seeing God work in His church and through His people will be eternal memories for us.
That season of life will hold a special place in our "memory album" but we look forward to the new memories He will bring in this new season.
Happy New Year!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Is Anybody Listening?
In a culture of noise and soundbites it seems like everybody has something to say. We all want to get a word in or give our opinion to influence a situation or person. In one sense it is good to see people engaging issues in our culture and be willing to speak up yet I fear at times the goal is to get the last word.
I wonder, have we lost the quiet art of listening? This is evident in many contexts but we are especially susceptible to it in our marriages. When I feel misunderstood by my wife I seem to try harder to make sure she understands. I do that by speaking more and listening less. "If she would only stop talking I could explain everything!"
LISTEN: "Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." (James 1:19)
It's amazing how much anger can be subsided by the absence of words. If your husband or wife knew you truly wanted to hear and understand what difference would that make? The anger and anxiety builds up when I know that after finishing my two sentences there will be two or three paragraphs in response!
Go and read how well Jesus listened and as a result how his words made an eternal difference. (i.e. the Samaritan woman in John 4)
I would suggest the next time you have a misunderstanding with your spouse, instead of getting the last word you take the lead to listen. Tell him or her that you promise you want to hear their concerns and that you will not respond for at least 10 minutes. This will give both of you the chance to prayerfully reflect on the situation and then respond with fewer words perhaps more graciously seasoned.
I wonder, have we lost the quiet art of listening? This is evident in many contexts but we are especially susceptible to it in our marriages. When I feel misunderstood by my wife I seem to try harder to make sure she understands. I do that by speaking more and listening less. "If she would only stop talking I could explain everything!"
LISTEN: "Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." (James 1:19)
It's amazing how much anger can be subsided by the absence of words. If your husband or wife knew you truly wanted to hear and understand what difference would that make? The anger and anxiety builds up when I know that after finishing my two sentences there will be two or three paragraphs in response!
Go and read how well Jesus listened and as a result how his words made an eternal difference. (i.e. the Samaritan woman in John 4)
I would suggest the next time you have a misunderstanding with your spouse, instead of getting the last word you take the lead to listen. Tell him or her that you promise you want to hear their concerns and that you will not respond for at least 10 minutes. This will give both of you the chance to prayerfully reflect on the situation and then respond with fewer words perhaps more graciously seasoned.
Monday, December 1, 2008
What's The Problem?
It's amazing how similar the issues of marriage and our own Christian life can be. We strive for consistency in our walk with Jesus but often find ourselves inconsistent and discouraged. In the same way we want to have harmony in our homes yet seem to get easily frustrated and confused.
The Apostle Peter addresses some of this in his second letter when he declares that the problem for many of us professing Christians is not so much a lack of effort as our own "spiritual amnesia." In verse 9 of chapter 1 he says, "Whoever lacks these qualities (vs.5-8) is so nearsighted that he is is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins." In other words we are too concerned or obsessed with what is in front of us. We have lost sight of the cross.
That's not a mild bump in the road. If we fail to remember and see what Jesus has done we default to what we must do. That leads to fatigue and frustration. Jesus has done it all and paid it all.
The solution is not simply to "let go and let God" but to hold fast to the cross and the promises He has given us. If our desire is to live a life of gratitude for His precious gift we will seek first His honor and the welfare of others.
Think what that would do to our daily walk and especially our marriages!
The Apostle Peter addresses some of this in his second letter when he declares that the problem for many of us professing Christians is not so much a lack of effort as our own "spiritual amnesia." In verse 9 of chapter 1 he says, "Whoever lacks these qualities (vs.5-8) is so nearsighted that he is is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins." In other words we are too concerned or obsessed with what is in front of us. We have lost sight of the cross.
That's not a mild bump in the road. If we fail to remember and see what Jesus has done we default to what we must do. That leads to fatigue and frustration. Jesus has done it all and paid it all.
The solution is not simply to "let go and let God" but to hold fast to the cross and the promises He has given us. If our desire is to live a life of gratitude for His precious gift we will seek first His honor and the welfare of others.
Think what that would do to our daily walk and especially our marriages!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Practice What You Preach!
It's amazing what a word of thanks and encouragement can do to a marriage. One of the great themes I often hear regarding couples is the fear of being taken for granted. We can get used to each other to point of presuming on one another. We vow to "love, honor and cherish" one another but do we subtly allow that to become an expectation rather than a privilege?
The bible talks clearly about the importance of biblical encouragement among believers. Giving thanks for that brother or sister in Christ can be a true blessing. The lack thereof can bring discouragement.
To truly encourage your husband or wife requires that you think about them, you pray for them and you more naturally care for them. The Apostle Paul, that great giant of the faith, found great courage in Jesus when he thought about his companions in the faith. "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you...God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1) There was great power in knowing what they had in common - something bigger than themselves.
We as professing Christian couples have a blessed and profound responsibility to encourage each other in faith in Jesus. Let us practice what we preach and may it most powerfully be seen in our marriages!!
The bible talks clearly about the importance of biblical encouragement among believers. Giving thanks for that brother or sister in Christ can be a true blessing. The lack thereof can bring discouragement.
To truly encourage your husband or wife requires that you think about them, you pray for them and you more naturally care for them. The Apostle Paul, that great giant of the faith, found great courage in Jesus when he thought about his companions in the faith. "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you...God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1) There was great power in knowing what they had in common - something bigger than themselves.
We as professing Christian couples have a blessed and profound responsibility to encourage each other in faith in Jesus. Let us practice what we preach and may it most powerfully be seen in our marriages!!
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