Mood: "A particular state of mind or feeling; humor, or temper"
"I'm in a bad mood so it's probably best not to talk to me." or "Man, I'm in a great mood, let's go have some fun!"
How many times is your life and your marriage affected by your mood?
Some of us are more expressive than others but we are all affected by things around us and within us. Unmet expectations or unexpected interruptions can wreak havoc on our mood. Our mood can be pretty clear when we walk through the door or when we sit down at the dinner table.
Too often I fear we build our marriages on the moods we are in rather than the unchanging foundation of the gospel. A good mood doesn't guarantee a good marriage. Nor does a bad mood equal a bad relationship. These actually can be teaching moments where a husband or wife can share issues that have personally effected them and bear them together.
I've seen many spouses, (especially wives) "walking on eggshells" waiting to find out the mood of their husband or wife for fear of making things worse. The way we handle it can actually isolate us more than unite us. We are almost saying, "It's my mood therefore it's my problem."
That might work in other spheres of life but not in a Christian marriage.
We need each other to process the things that effect us, good and bad. A Christian marriage is a partnership, "in joy and in sorrow" where we don't deal with life alone. It's to be a picture of the work of Christ to his people. The finished work of Jesus is the only foundation that will NEVER be effect by mood or circumstances.
"What can separate us from the love of Christ?" Jesus did not let his mood determine his faith but instead held fast to the promises of his Father. Paul's call to us in Romans is not to find hope in our mood but in the work of the risen King.
Think about that more than 30 seconds and it will REALLY put you in a good mood!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Perspective
Within a 48 hour time span I conducted a wedding and a funeral.
A young couple starting out with excitement and anticipation and a young life that was snuffed out in an instant.
Everybody has a perspective. It's how we process life and the things we deal with each day. The small things as well as the life changing issues. How many times have you heard it said, "You never know what each day will bring."
If you are like me we tend to take things for granted. Like another day of life. I don't want to sound morbid or promote an unhealthy anxiety about life but I fear we don't have a healthy enough fear of God. Each day really is a gift from him and we should have a perspective that effects how we live each day.
How does or should that effect my marriage? Am I taking for granted another day of life with my spouse and even taking for granted their faithfulness to me? You don't have to wait till you are at death's door to appreciate your partner.
It's all in your perspective.
How is this for perspective? "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness..." Jesus was saying there is no more important perspective than God's kingdom. When I look at everything through his eyes it should put everything in perspective. My life, my wife, my job, my children...all are from him and for him. How I think about and respond to these things and these people is a direct reflection on what controls my heart.
A biblical perspective is one that prepares for each day. We don't primarily wait for life to happen and then respond. This short life we have here on earth is really preparation for the eternal life we will have with Christ and his people. How is my preparation each day for my marriage a reflection of my preparation for that eternal marriage?
It's all in your perspective.
A young couple starting out with excitement and anticipation and a young life that was snuffed out in an instant.
Everybody has a perspective. It's how we process life and the things we deal with each day. The small things as well as the life changing issues. How many times have you heard it said, "You never know what each day will bring."
If you are like me we tend to take things for granted. Like another day of life. I don't want to sound morbid or promote an unhealthy anxiety about life but I fear we don't have a healthy enough fear of God. Each day really is a gift from him and we should have a perspective that effects how we live each day.
How does or should that effect my marriage? Am I taking for granted another day of life with my spouse and even taking for granted their faithfulness to me? You don't have to wait till you are at death's door to appreciate your partner.
It's all in your perspective.
How is this for perspective? "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness..." Jesus was saying there is no more important perspective than God's kingdom. When I look at everything through his eyes it should put everything in perspective. My life, my wife, my job, my children...all are from him and for him. How I think about and respond to these things and these people is a direct reflection on what controls my heart.
A biblical perspective is one that prepares for each day. We don't primarily wait for life to happen and then respond. This short life we have here on earth is really preparation for the eternal life we will have with Christ and his people. How is my preparation each day for my marriage a reflection of my preparation for that eternal marriage?
It's all in your perspective.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Excellent Roommates
Sometimes a marriage can feel like we are co existing rather than growing.
For a growing number of couples it is better to be roommates than married. To them it seems the institution of marriage can actually hinder rather than inspire growth. That might be something down the road but it's not necessary to do the formal, "socially acceptable" way of living together.
It's just easier.
What a sad commentary on marriage! It's as if the institution is the problem that gets in the way of a good relationship. It is seen as a restrictive way to live together rather than providing freedom. Where do they get this idea?
I'm afraid if we are honest it comes too often from those of us who are married. We can give the impression to others that we are Excellent Roommates rather than partners in life. You have your world and I have mine and we can take it or leave it. If it hinders my happiness than there is a serious problem. In many ways marriage is the most challenging of relationships. 24/7. You make vows to make it work, to never give up, to not stop caring. That's all well and good when we get along and I'm happy but....
In many ways marriage is also the most rewarding of relationships. It forces me to deal with my own shortcomings and to have to care about someone more than myself. I might not want that but I know in my heart I need it.
As a Christian I have a unique focus that the world can not understand. I care about my spouse more than myself not because of some archaic institution but because of the love of Christ. He cared about me more than himself not to be an excellent roommate but to be one in every way.
Christian, if you are married you know in your heart of hearts it is not primarily about you. Your marriage is to be the context where the love of Jesus is worked out and seen more and more. Even Paul when he wrote his instructions on marriage was careful to bring it all back to THE focus, "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." Ephesians 5:32
Be more than great roommates but be a great picture of the gospel that is based on and lives out of his love.
For a growing number of couples it is better to be roommates than married. To them it seems the institution of marriage can actually hinder rather than inspire growth. That might be something down the road but it's not necessary to do the formal, "socially acceptable" way of living together.
It's just easier.
What a sad commentary on marriage! It's as if the institution is the problem that gets in the way of a good relationship. It is seen as a restrictive way to live together rather than providing freedom. Where do they get this idea?
I'm afraid if we are honest it comes too often from those of us who are married. We can give the impression to others that we are Excellent Roommates rather than partners in life. You have your world and I have mine and we can take it or leave it. If it hinders my happiness than there is a serious problem. In many ways marriage is the most challenging of relationships. 24/7. You make vows to make it work, to never give up, to not stop caring. That's all well and good when we get along and I'm happy but....
In many ways marriage is also the most rewarding of relationships. It forces me to deal with my own shortcomings and to have to care about someone more than myself. I might not want that but I know in my heart I need it.
As a Christian I have a unique focus that the world can not understand. I care about my spouse more than myself not because of some archaic institution but because of the love of Christ. He cared about me more than himself not to be an excellent roommate but to be one in every way.
Christian, if you are married you know in your heart of hearts it is not primarily about you. Your marriage is to be the context where the love of Jesus is worked out and seen more and more. Even Paul when he wrote his instructions on marriage was careful to bring it all back to THE focus, "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." Ephesians 5:32
Be more than great roommates but be a great picture of the gospel that is based on and lives out of his love.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Surpirse!
Surprises can be fun. Bev and I surprised our daughter recently by showing up unannounced on her birthday. Her face, smile and tears made the 8 hour trip more than worthwhile!
Surprises can be unnerving. Like when the young husband thought it would be fun to jump out from behind a door and surprise his wife. The bruises on his body will prove to be a good reminder that he might want to try something else!
The most pleasant surprises are often the little, unexpected things.
A card or note sent not because of a special occasion but just to surprise your spouse with love. A surprise romantic dinner with all the arrangements made ahead of time. Just doing something you were not asked to do that you know would be a grateful surprise.
The sad and subtle path of many marriages is that they seem to loose that surprise element of their relationship. Each spouse seems to be increasingly consumed with legitimate responsibilities that make it difficult. It almost feels childish to play the surprise game when there are so many adult things going on!
What a difference a surprise can make!
Is this not similar to our marriage to Christ? The element of surprise was an almost daily blessing in the beginning. Jesus was pursuing us with that creative love to find new and surprising ways to show us his love was real and always present.
So what happened?
It's what happens in so many of our marriages. We tend to take each other for granted. We presume on their creative love and not surprise them with ours.
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God." I John 4:7
Let's get back to our first love and be renewed and surprised that we might surprise our husband or wife with the surprising love of Christ.
Surprises can be unnerving. Like when the young husband thought it would be fun to jump out from behind a door and surprise his wife. The bruises on his body will prove to be a good reminder that he might want to try something else!
The most pleasant surprises are often the little, unexpected things.
A card or note sent not because of a special occasion but just to surprise your spouse with love. A surprise romantic dinner with all the arrangements made ahead of time. Just doing something you were not asked to do that you know would be a grateful surprise.
The sad and subtle path of many marriages is that they seem to loose that surprise element of their relationship. Each spouse seems to be increasingly consumed with legitimate responsibilities that make it difficult. It almost feels childish to play the surprise game when there are so many adult things going on!
What a difference a surprise can make!
Is this not similar to our marriage to Christ? The element of surprise was an almost daily blessing in the beginning. Jesus was pursuing us with that creative love to find new and surprising ways to show us his love was real and always present.
So what happened?
It's what happens in so many of our marriages. We tend to take each other for granted. We presume on their creative love and not surprise them with ours.
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God." I John 4:7
Let's get back to our first love and be renewed and surprised that we might surprise our husband or wife with the surprising love of Christ.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
That Was Easy
Does my marriage have to be messed up to be good?
So much of what is written regarding marriages is in response to the endless problems that seem to plague them. Whether it's adultery or a breakdown in communication or kids, you could get the impression that everyone is on the verge of some kind of catastrophe.
Is there something wrong if there are no big wrongs to deal with?
The statistics bear out the fact that almost half the marriages are in trouble. But what about he rest? What do we say to those who are doing well?
Too often we don't say anything. We don't encourage and affirm the good things we see and how they are growing together in life and love. Especially as professing Christians who are endeavoring to take the gospel seriously in their lives. They need to be thanked and affirmed in their faithfulness. They are a picture of what many of us want to pursue in our own marriages.
They in turn are an important catalyst in the hands of the Holy Spirit to spur us on. There is something that "rubs off" when we are around people who are trying to take Jesus more seriously in their marriages.
But here is a personal challenge to those who are doing well:
DON'T KEEP IT TO YOURSELVES!
The Bible clearly calls those of us who have been blessed to be a blessing. To paraphrase Jesus in Luke 12:48, "To whom much is given much is expected in return." If God has blessed you with faithfulness in your marriage and love then give it back to the body of Christ!
You have more to give than you realize. Go out to dinner with another couple. You don't have to do some big public teaching just be an object lesson for us. We need to see the joy of your love for each other and for Jesus. Don't let us put you up on a pedestal, just hang around us more often.
In a world that is so complicated we need a simple focus. We need to see that IN CHRIST it's easier than doing it ourselves.
May God make us couples who have increased confidence in Christ and may your church be filled increasingly with couples who are doing well for all the right reasons.
So much of what is written regarding marriages is in response to the endless problems that seem to plague them. Whether it's adultery or a breakdown in communication or kids, you could get the impression that everyone is on the verge of some kind of catastrophe.
Is there something wrong if there are no big wrongs to deal with?
The statistics bear out the fact that almost half the marriages are in trouble. But what about he rest? What do we say to those who are doing well?
Too often we don't say anything. We don't encourage and affirm the good things we see and how they are growing together in life and love. Especially as professing Christians who are endeavoring to take the gospel seriously in their lives. They need to be thanked and affirmed in their faithfulness. They are a picture of what many of us want to pursue in our own marriages.
They in turn are an important catalyst in the hands of the Holy Spirit to spur us on. There is something that "rubs off" when we are around people who are trying to take Jesus more seriously in their marriages.
But here is a personal challenge to those who are doing well:
DON'T KEEP IT TO YOURSELVES!
The Bible clearly calls those of us who have been blessed to be a blessing. To paraphrase Jesus in Luke 12:48, "To whom much is given much is expected in return." If God has blessed you with faithfulness in your marriage and love then give it back to the body of Christ!
You have more to give than you realize. Go out to dinner with another couple. You don't have to do some big public teaching just be an object lesson for us. We need to see the joy of your love for each other and for Jesus. Don't let us put you up on a pedestal, just hang around us more often.
In a world that is so complicated we need a simple focus. We need to see that IN CHRIST it's easier than doing it ourselves.
May God make us couples who have increased confidence in Christ and may your church be filled increasingly with couples who are doing well for all the right reasons.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Here Comes The Bride
I love weddings.
They really are a beautiful picture of the gospel. A radiant bride being ushered in and presented to her husband. A nervous excitement and anticipation of formally and publicly committing themselves together.
As a minister I especially enjoy leading them in their vows and then presenting them as husband and wife. That sealing moment in the ceremony when they are officially married. It's the culmination of everything they have dreamed of and yet it's just the beginning!
Though their circumstances and experiences will change the commitment they make to one another should never change - only deepen. Ask any couple who has been married for several years and they will confirm the fact that there were things that happened in their marriage they never anticipated. What made them grow through those changes was their mutual commitment not only to each other but to God.
Marriage is and should always be a growing picture of the Christian life. It starts with that initial commitment to Christ and grows through the seasons of life. Yet it is always based on that first commitment to honor Jesus no matter what.
The Apostle Paul was always calling us back to the foundation of our faith. "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him."
Colossians 2:6
All of our commitments in life should be seen through the filter of our initial commitment to Christ. This is especially true in our marriages. They must reflect Jesus. The primary reason to work hard in our marriages is to be a part of that greater marriage bride that is presented to Christ when He comes again.
Picture this, Christ waiting at the end of the isle seeing us, his bride, coming to him - loved by him and all the angels of heaven singing with great joy something like this:
"Here Comes The Bride!!!!!!"
They really are a beautiful picture of the gospel. A radiant bride being ushered in and presented to her husband. A nervous excitement and anticipation of formally and publicly committing themselves together.
As a minister I especially enjoy leading them in their vows and then presenting them as husband and wife. That sealing moment in the ceremony when they are officially married. It's the culmination of everything they have dreamed of and yet it's just the beginning!
Though their circumstances and experiences will change the commitment they make to one another should never change - only deepen. Ask any couple who has been married for several years and they will confirm the fact that there were things that happened in their marriage they never anticipated. What made them grow through those changes was their mutual commitment not only to each other but to God.
Marriage is and should always be a growing picture of the Christian life. It starts with that initial commitment to Christ and grows through the seasons of life. Yet it is always based on that first commitment to honor Jesus no matter what.
The Apostle Paul was always calling us back to the foundation of our faith. "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him."
Colossians 2:6
All of our commitments in life should be seen through the filter of our initial commitment to Christ. This is especially true in our marriages. They must reflect Jesus. The primary reason to work hard in our marriages is to be a part of that greater marriage bride that is presented to Christ when He comes again.
Picture this, Christ waiting at the end of the isle seeing us, his bride, coming to him - loved by him and all the angels of heaven singing with great joy something like this:
"Here Comes The Bride!!!!!!"
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Preoccupation
"Did you hear what I just said? I feel like you are not here with me!"
The response is often, "Sorry I was thinking about something else. I wasn't trying to ignore you."
That works once in awhile but it can be a little unnerving!
In a world where there seems to be an endless pit filled with things to think about it is hard not to feel overwhelmed. It is also difficult not to feel guilty when the husband or wife feels neglected because you are somewhere else even when you are right in front of them!!
The details of what you have to deal with each day would fill a notebook. Whether it's shopping or schedule responsibilities or demands at work our minds are always engaging in something. And it doesn't stop there. Many issues are unresolved or more additions have complicated an already complicated mind.
Some of us are more wired to be preoccupied than others.It could be a burden you are bearing for another person or a challenge at work that you need to resolve. It's hard to let go and you almost feel irresponsible if you don't get it taken care of before you sleep. The problem comes when we become so preoccupied that we fail to see what is right in front of us. Your husband or wife needs to know you are preoccupied with them as well.
It might be as simple as sharing what it is that is weighing on your heart. Follow that up with a simple prayer for that person or issue and it can bring a refreshing freedom at that moment to be more occupied with each other.
The Apostle Peter saw this dilemma in our relationship with Christ as well. When we become so preoccupied with our own life and efforts we become oblivious to what is right in front of us. We often do not grow as we should because we are preoccupied. "For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins." 2 Peter 1:9
In other words we have forgotten the cross. Don't be so preoccupied with life today that you neglect not only your spouse but you also forget your savior.
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