I was in my first significant accident. My car was totaled.
I saw it coming and knew there was nothing I could do to change the outcome. The impact was frightening but thanks be to God we both walked away. But we both lost something at that moment. I really liked my car. Seeing the condition it was in made me sad but seeing the condition that both of us as drivers were in put it all in perspective.
Accidents happen.
The mystery of life is that "accidents" happen on a daily basis. These collisions can have a great impact on us and not just physically. It doesn't have to be between cars. It happens between people. Bad news about health, job, children, the world...
The daily challenges in our marriages can seem like serious collisions as well. A misunderstanding. A financial crisis. A decision made without consulting our spouse. The impact is painful and frightening. "Why didn't you look where you were going?!" The mess is obvious and the solution is not. The temptation is to declare all too quickly, "It's Totaled."
Not too many people in life, let alone marriage, go around looking to cause accidents. We think our intentions are good but can't always see the impact it is about to have. How do we walk away still together when we have been impacted by something? We have to asses the damage and then move on. We see and feel the pain but we also forgive and strive to pay more attention.
The woman who caused my accident and made my car be totaled was clearly frightened and undone. She kept pleading with tears saying she was sorry. I had to continue to assure her that I did indeed forgive her and that he Lord was truly gracious to us. We both still had our lives and family.
What about you? How do you process those "accidents" in your marriage? Do you harbor bitterness and pain and stay at the accident scene? Jesus calls us to not only seek forgiveness but to forgive. "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." I Peter 4:8 Granted, that attitude isn't always easy but it is always necessary.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Japan
Is this real? Can this actually be happening? It looks and feels like a movie instead of reality.
Once again an overwhelming tragedy is happening right before our very eyes. A nation was going about the routine of life and within moments it would be forever changed. What was is no more. The past is gone and there is no future. No hope. Only destruction and despair.
The power of God's creation is beautiful and frightening. The oceans can literally engulf and swallow peoples and nations.
Lord have mercy.
What can I hold on to today that I might loose tomorrow? Even the good blessings God gives can be lost. My home, my job, my wife, my children. What can I cling to in the midst of a tsunami or nuclear meltdown? Honestly... where is my hope in the midst of despair?
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26
What holds your life and your marriage together today? If it is anything you can see or hold in your hands - brace yourself - you will loose it. Whether today or tomorrow. The deeper question is who is holding you today and tomorrow? As Christians our hope is in the Lord and specifically in Jesus, our risen King. And because of that hope "nothing can separate us from him."
I want my marriage to be built on what I can never loose. I want my children to grow in that eternal hope in Jesus. I want the world to see that our marriage, our lives can be built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. This world is so filled with tragedy and disappointment. In God's providence it is time once again to examine my own heart and marriage. Who or what am I living for? What can I hold that I cannot loose?
May God sober our hearts today as we pray for the nation of Japan. May our marriages be more about Jesus today than our tomorrows. May His mercy be even more precious.
Lord have mercy.
Once again an overwhelming tragedy is happening right before our very eyes. A nation was going about the routine of life and within moments it would be forever changed. What was is no more. The past is gone and there is no future. No hope. Only destruction and despair.
The power of God's creation is beautiful and frightening. The oceans can literally engulf and swallow peoples and nations.
Lord have mercy.
What can I hold on to today that I might loose tomorrow? Even the good blessings God gives can be lost. My home, my job, my wife, my children. What can I cling to in the midst of a tsunami or nuclear meltdown? Honestly... where is my hope in the midst of despair?
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26
What holds your life and your marriage together today? If it is anything you can see or hold in your hands - brace yourself - you will loose it. Whether today or tomorrow. The deeper question is who is holding you today and tomorrow? As Christians our hope is in the Lord and specifically in Jesus, our risen King. And because of that hope "nothing can separate us from him."
I want my marriage to be built on what I can never loose. I want my children to grow in that eternal hope in Jesus. I want the world to see that our marriage, our lives can be built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. This world is so filled with tragedy and disappointment. In God's providence it is time once again to examine my own heart and marriage. Who or what am I living for? What can I hold that I cannot loose?
May God sober our hearts today as we pray for the nation of Japan. May our marriages be more about Jesus today than our tomorrows. May His mercy be even more precious.
Lord have mercy.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Will You Marry Me?
What was I thinking?!
Who is able to make that kind of a commitment? To vow to give yourself to another - until you die. To promise that noting will ever stop not only my commitment but my love. As a future husband asking that question I am asking my wife to be to entrust her life to me. I am telling her she can trust herself to me body and soul. I will do only that which builds her up. Her fears of the future can be put to rest because, "in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health" I will always be there for her.
What was I thinking?!
I want to believe I can be that kind of husband but in my heart of hearts I also know I'm selfish and insecure. There is this hidden and submerged fear that I might let her down. I might not be able to keep my vows. Good intentions don't always guarantee good results.
As Christians who believe the Bible we know there is only one who can keep that kind of commitment. Jesus has not only made that promise but has kept that promise. And he has kept that promise for people who initially didn't want to me married to him!
What was He thinking?!
His unconditional love was so strong he was able to fully take on our sorrow, our sickness and especially our sin of unbelief in a way no husband or wife ever could. His marriage to us would prove to be the only basis of hope for any earthly marriage. "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin..."
2 Corinthians 5:21
I want my wife to know that my promise to love her can only be done in the power and presence of Jesus who first loved me. I want her to know that I care deeply for her but there is a deeper love that I have which is anchored in the love of Christ. The more I know his love the more I will be that love for her.
You know what makes this all so compelling? Not that she said yes (which I'm glad she did!!) but that she feels the same way!
Who is able to make that kind of a commitment? To vow to give yourself to another - until you die. To promise that noting will ever stop not only my commitment but my love. As a future husband asking that question I am asking my wife to be to entrust her life to me. I am telling her she can trust herself to me body and soul. I will do only that which builds her up. Her fears of the future can be put to rest because, "in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health" I will always be there for her.
What was I thinking?!
I want to believe I can be that kind of husband but in my heart of hearts I also know I'm selfish and insecure. There is this hidden and submerged fear that I might let her down. I might not be able to keep my vows. Good intentions don't always guarantee good results.
As Christians who believe the Bible we know there is only one who can keep that kind of commitment. Jesus has not only made that promise but has kept that promise. And he has kept that promise for people who initially didn't want to me married to him!
What was He thinking?!
His unconditional love was so strong he was able to fully take on our sorrow, our sickness and especially our sin of unbelief in a way no husband or wife ever could. His marriage to us would prove to be the only basis of hope for any earthly marriage. "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin..."
2 Corinthians 5:21
I want my wife to know that my promise to love her can only be done in the power and presence of Jesus who first loved me. I want her to know that I care deeply for her but there is a deeper love that I have which is anchored in the love of Christ. The more I know his love the more I will be that love for her.
You know what makes this all so compelling? Not that she said yes (which I'm glad she did!!) but that she feels the same way!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
If I Had It To Do Over Again
You don't.
Everybody would say they would be better off. "If I knew then what I know now..."
In a real sense no one ever gets a second chance. We have only one life to live. We may get second or third "opportunities" but only one life. Many of us live with regrets of our past that seem to choke our ability to live life today or even be hopeful for tomorrow. Everything we go through is another chapter in the growth of our life. They are all connected.
As Christians we believe that nothing in life is "coincidental." All things are part of God's mysterious plan for this world and for our lives in particular. He is not in the business of second chances but in giving new life. His desire is to bring new life through his Son and to make us look more like Jesus.
This is especially true in our marriages. Sure, we could be better husbands or wives if we had it to do over again.
We don't.
The primary purpose of our marriages is not to finally get it right but to look more and more like Jesus. Every season of our lives is another opportunity to grow more in the grace and knowledge of Christ. That happens on a daily basis. The past has it's regrets and the future it's unknowns but today we have all we need to honor Christ. To build a stronger foundation of life and love which will give us greater confidence.
The beauty comes in knowing that God has been working all along in every season of lour lives - whether we have seen it or not. Because of the death and resurrection of his Son we can be confident and have true hope for the future.
"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6
Look again at what he has done and press on not so much to start over but to carry on that work he has begun in you and will complete.
Everybody would say they would be better off. "If I knew then what I know now..."
In a real sense no one ever gets a second chance. We have only one life to live. We may get second or third "opportunities" but only one life. Many of us live with regrets of our past that seem to choke our ability to live life today or even be hopeful for tomorrow. Everything we go through is another chapter in the growth of our life. They are all connected.
As Christians we believe that nothing in life is "coincidental." All things are part of God's mysterious plan for this world and for our lives in particular. He is not in the business of second chances but in giving new life. His desire is to bring new life through his Son and to make us look more like Jesus.
This is especially true in our marriages. Sure, we could be better husbands or wives if we had it to do over again.
We don't.
The primary purpose of our marriages is not to finally get it right but to look more and more like Jesus. Every season of our lives is another opportunity to grow more in the grace and knowledge of Christ. That happens on a daily basis. The past has it's regrets and the future it's unknowns but today we have all we need to honor Christ. To build a stronger foundation of life and love which will give us greater confidence.
The beauty comes in knowing that God has been working all along in every season of lour lives - whether we have seen it or not. Because of the death and resurrection of his Son we can be confident and have true hope for the future.
"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6
Look again at what he has done and press on not so much to start over but to carry on that work he has begun in you and will complete.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Seasons
Here comes spring!
It's been a long winter and any signs of spring are warmly welcomed. I do like some parts of the winter season. The beauty of a snow covered tree. A crisp starry filled night and all that the Christmas time brings are unique to the winter season.
But...after awhile I find myself yearning for a new season. Signs of new life and warmth to replace the chill and lifeless feelings. Each season has those unique attractions but change can be good.
Our marriages take on a similar image. We go through seasons of change. Those early years are filled with enthusiasm and idealism. A perpetual honeymoon. But then you yearn for more than just having fun but to grow in mutual faith and partnership in life. Children may come, jobs may change and your lives take on a new dimension. Change is not always bad and in God's providence it is all part of his sanctifying work in our lives. Our confidence should not be in our surroundings but in the God who surrounds us. To know that no matter what the season or change he is still unchanging and is still working.
If you have the privilege of knowing a couple who are married at least 50 years and love Jesus, ask them about being married in those seasons of life and change. Listen to them. Hear more than practical advice but hear the love that has actually grown and become more the foundation of life. The more they live the more they want to grow.
Should that not be our heart's cry as Christians? The more we grow in our seasons of life with Jesus the more we want to be with him. Jesus wants us to be increasingly excited about our partners in life and grow in that love but he also wants us to be even more excited about our "marriage"to him.
Our spouse will not always be with us but Jesus will.
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
He truly is the one constant in every season. The more we are grounded in him the more we will be like him. The more things around us may change the more there will be something that stays the same. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8
Think about it. The more we are grounded in the changeless love of Jesus the more we will grow in every season of change. May you be one of those couples married 50 years who not only talk about it but truly show the love of Jesus.
It's been a long winter and any signs of spring are warmly welcomed. I do like some parts of the winter season. The beauty of a snow covered tree. A crisp starry filled night and all that the Christmas time brings are unique to the winter season.
But...after awhile I find myself yearning for a new season. Signs of new life and warmth to replace the chill and lifeless feelings. Each season has those unique attractions but change can be good.
Our marriages take on a similar image. We go through seasons of change. Those early years are filled with enthusiasm and idealism. A perpetual honeymoon. But then you yearn for more than just having fun but to grow in mutual faith and partnership in life. Children may come, jobs may change and your lives take on a new dimension. Change is not always bad and in God's providence it is all part of his sanctifying work in our lives. Our confidence should not be in our surroundings but in the God who surrounds us. To know that no matter what the season or change he is still unchanging and is still working.
If you have the privilege of knowing a couple who are married at least 50 years and love Jesus, ask them about being married in those seasons of life and change. Listen to them. Hear more than practical advice but hear the love that has actually grown and become more the foundation of life. The more they live the more they want to grow.
Should that not be our heart's cry as Christians? The more we grow in our seasons of life with Jesus the more we want to be with him. Jesus wants us to be increasingly excited about our partners in life and grow in that love but he also wants us to be even more excited about our "marriage"to him.
Our spouse will not always be with us but Jesus will.
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
He truly is the one constant in every season. The more we are grounded in him the more we will be like him. The more things around us may change the more there will be something that stays the same. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8
Think about it. The more we are grounded in the changeless love of Jesus the more we will grow in every season of change. May you be one of those couples married 50 years who not only talk about it but truly show the love of Jesus.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Remember Me
Whether it's a birthday card or a phone call it's nice to be remembered.
Just to know that somebody likes to think about you and appreciates you is a great encouragement t the soul. In a world that is crowded yet lonely a gentle reminder that someone is thinking about you can literally change your day and your life. Some of us need it more than others but there is something healthy and biblical about taking time to remember one another. "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you..." Philippians 1:3
The implications are pretty clear and important when it comes to marriage. When we say goodbye to one another in the morning and go off to our daily tasks and responsibilities isn't it reassuring to know that we will remember each other throughout the day. To know without asking that I will think about and with gratitude remember my spouse. I don't mean some sentimental obligation but a genuine and intentional reminder that my husband or wife is a blessing form God. In addition to remember their particular burdens and to pray for them by name. I can be involved in my wife's world even though we are apart and I want her to know that.
In many ways that is the heart of the Gospel. We as Christians should be a people who love to remember. First and foremost we should love to remember Jesus. A daily reminder of his love for us and his call to honor him should be part of our daily DNA. In turn, that love is reflected in how we remember one another. In a world that is not our home we must remember and remind one another of our first love. Just knowing that my brothers and sisters in Christ are remembering me today is a true gift of the Holy Spirit.
Our marriages should be a picture of that love.
Jesus himself set the example and the priority at the Last Supper when he held the elements before his disciples and told them simply, "Remember Me." Whenever you partake of this super, truly remember who I am and what I have done for you.
Today, let's not forget to remember. May the heart cry of our Savior be the theme of our lives and our marriages.
REMEMBER ME.
Just to know that somebody likes to think about you and appreciates you is a great encouragement t the soul. In a world that is crowded yet lonely a gentle reminder that someone is thinking about you can literally change your day and your life. Some of us need it more than others but there is something healthy and biblical about taking time to remember one another. "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you..." Philippians 1:3
The implications are pretty clear and important when it comes to marriage. When we say goodbye to one another in the morning and go off to our daily tasks and responsibilities isn't it reassuring to know that we will remember each other throughout the day. To know without asking that I will think about and with gratitude remember my spouse. I don't mean some sentimental obligation but a genuine and intentional reminder that my husband or wife is a blessing form God. In addition to remember their particular burdens and to pray for them by name. I can be involved in my wife's world even though we are apart and I want her to know that.
In many ways that is the heart of the Gospel. We as Christians should be a people who love to remember. First and foremost we should love to remember Jesus. A daily reminder of his love for us and his call to honor him should be part of our daily DNA. In turn, that love is reflected in how we remember one another. In a world that is not our home we must remember and remind one another of our first love. Just knowing that my brothers and sisters in Christ are remembering me today is a true gift of the Holy Spirit.
Our marriages should be a picture of that love.
Jesus himself set the example and the priority at the Last Supper when he held the elements before his disciples and told them simply, "Remember Me." Whenever you partake of this super, truly remember who I am and what I have done for you.
Today, let's not forget to remember. May the heart cry of our Savior be the theme of our lives and our marriages.
REMEMBER ME.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I Stand Corrected
I hate being corrected.
Why does it have to hurt so much? And especially coming from my spouse?!
It doesn't have to be some big confrontation but even the little things can hurt a lot. If I'm honest too often the pain feels deep because my pride is deeper than I'd like to admit. I don't want to believe I still need ongoing correction. I want to believe that at my age I have somehow "arrived" and don't need the ongoing medicine of correction.
I wonder if we spend more time trying to avoid correction in our marriages than welcoming it? I would rather question my spouse's motives and deflect the pain rather than think there is something legitimate I need to hear and deal with. Yes, both of us are messed up and don't always speak the truth in love but if I really believed my husband or wife was an instrument of God's sanctifying love in my life I must look beyond that and welcome the correction in Jesus' name.
The bigger issue here is not my spouse but my God.
The ultimate purpose not only in our marriages but in all of life is that we would become more and more conformed to the image of Christ. That can't happen without correction. God's commitment is that He will do whatever it takes to bring about that refining love in His children. "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, or be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves..." Hebrews 12:5,6 We can question everyone else's motives but when it comes to our God there is only one motive He has when correcting His children - LOVE.
That might be hard to remember in this selfish world but if it is true that He is doing the same thing in my partner's life than I have the privilege of sharing in that together. Your primary role in your marriage is not to be the corrector or even the encourager but to be more and more like Jesus in their presence. You live for Him who died for you.
May you find joy even in the Lord's correction and may you even enjoy saying, "I Stand Corrected."
Why does it have to hurt so much? And especially coming from my spouse?!
It doesn't have to be some big confrontation but even the little things can hurt a lot. If I'm honest too often the pain feels deep because my pride is deeper than I'd like to admit. I don't want to believe I still need ongoing correction. I want to believe that at my age I have somehow "arrived" and don't need the ongoing medicine of correction.
I wonder if we spend more time trying to avoid correction in our marriages than welcoming it? I would rather question my spouse's motives and deflect the pain rather than think there is something legitimate I need to hear and deal with. Yes, both of us are messed up and don't always speak the truth in love but if I really believed my husband or wife was an instrument of God's sanctifying love in my life I must look beyond that and welcome the correction in Jesus' name.
The bigger issue here is not my spouse but my God.
The ultimate purpose not only in our marriages but in all of life is that we would become more and more conformed to the image of Christ. That can't happen without correction. God's commitment is that He will do whatever it takes to bring about that refining love in His children. "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, or be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves..." Hebrews 12:5,6 We can question everyone else's motives but when it comes to our God there is only one motive He has when correcting His children - LOVE.
That might be hard to remember in this selfish world but if it is true that He is doing the same thing in my partner's life than I have the privilege of sharing in that together. Your primary role in your marriage is not to be the corrector or even the encourager but to be more and more like Jesus in their presence. You live for Him who died for you.
May you find joy even in the Lord's correction and may you even enjoy saying, "I Stand Corrected."
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