Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Assumptions - Part I

I turned the TV off assuming we were ready for bed. When questioned I told my wife I knew we were both tired and needed rest. "But you didn't even ask, you just assumed."

What then proceeded to happen was one of those molehill to mountain events. I assured her I had her welfare in mind and she challenged me about the sincerity of my motives. "Maybe you were actually thinking more about yourself than me which is why you didn't even bother to ask."

Ouch! In the name of good intentions and sincerity I was actually more concerned with my needs at the time. A little thing, sure, but it escalated and I found myself defending my sincerity and not really listening. Then do you know what happened? The more we debated the situation the more I found myself questioning her motives and assuming she was the problem. How did we get to the level of arguing over a "little" thing like turning off a TV?

As I reflected back on that night I realized the problem wasn't the remote control. The problem was that once again other things crept in to interrupt the habit of us having daily communication. When you don't take time for each other you tend to rely on your intentions and assumptions thinking your spouse knows what your thinking. Granted, there can be seasons of busyness that seem to crowd out your relationship but that can't be an excuse for neglect.

Marriage is hard work. Walking with Christ is hard work. That doesn't mean it is not rewarding but the rewards are not primarily comfort and security but a love that reflects our savior. The more we assume the perfect love of Jesus the more we are free to give the love of Jesus.

"...let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires."
James 1:19,20

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