Who's Leading Who?

If we are honest much of our marital struggles are around leadership. Who makes the decisions and why? I think this and you think that. Now what do we do?

I remember a pastor friend describing a time he had with a couple who were having serious struggles in this area. The husband in particular was accusing the wife of not submitting to his authority and always challenging him. The pastor asked the couple a simple question, "Who is the head of this home?" to which the husband quickly replied, "I am!" He then asked the same question again and got the same response. After asking the question several times the pastor finally responded, "the head of this home is no other than Jesus."

As professing Christians they had obviously lost their own focus. Jesus is first and foremost the one who is to do the leading. His call and command is to follow. Not to question his integrity and wisdom but to submit to his call.

So what does that look like in our marriage? Does the husband lead in all things and the wife follow or are there other options?

Who's Leading Who?

The beauty of a Christian marriage is that it is not primarily about each other and who is doing what but rather about Christ and what he has done. A Christian counselor said about his counseling Christian marriages that if they would be as concerned about the honor of Christ as much as they were about their roles he would not see half the couples he sees.

Our marriage to Christ is far more important than our earthly marriage and Jesus makes it clear what he asks for, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:27

When was the last time you asked Jesus, "What do you want me to do today as a husband or wife?" Yes, the confusion is real and the struggles legitimate at times but what is the filter that determines my reaction and commitment?

Keep talking to each other about how to make those decisions and to trust each other in the process. Just be sure to remember that the ultimate question is not "Who's Leading Who?" but:

"Who's Leading You?"